sometimes i hear songs i liked in middle school and i’m like…. how did i possibly relate to this as a 12 year old. who was hurting me so bad that secondhand serenade made sense to me
ok so let’s talk a bit about jobs vs passion. my last fulltime job was at a big game development studio; the kind of job you’re (supposedly) passionate about. most of my colleagues adored the games we made, and so they didn’t care that the company had a major diversity problem, that our salaries were below average, that we didn’t get overtime compensation yet stayed ‘til 11PM more often than what’s healthy, and that the company promoted an unhealthy alcohol culture. because we were passionate. this was the kind of job you grow up dreaming about; don’t go throwing it away because some colleagues are harrassing you or because you get no recognition for your efforts!
for more than a year I was tired. stressed. in constant pain. my anxiety was through the roof. I worked on these “dream projects” and I felt dead inside.
when I quit that job I started freelancing as a writer. I got some really good jobs. I also got a bunch of small-time, low-paid, “hey at least your name is on it so isn’t it enough to pay 10$ for this text?” kind of jobs.
with the typical millenial housing situation of an apartment that I could barely afford on a fulltime pay and a constant stream of job offers that were underpaid I spent four months doing what I love, while constantly overwhelmed by stress. my insomnia got really bad, and when I managed to fall asleep I would dream about my bank balance. I would dream of losing whatever stability I had left in my life, simply because I couldn’t afford a “normal adult life”.
and so, today I got a job. it’s a fairly standard QA job at a medium sized game development studio. unlike any other game companies I’ve been at they offer humane working conditions. they don’t expect me to show up too early and stay too late because I’m passionate. the hours are nine to five, and they disapprove of overtime. the pay is slightly above average, and I get health benefits. I’ve been through several interviews, and at no point has someone tried to belittle my career or tried to convince me to work for less than I’m worth.
for the first time in many years of my career, I’m happy. I’m at ease. I applied for this job because I wanted to get away from the passionate part of the industry. I wanted a job where I could go home at five and dedicate my freetime to my own writing projects. I wanted to work at a place that didn’t eat my heart and soul and energy as I contributed to projects that wouldn’t even bear my name in the end credits.
so what I’m trying to say is that there’s nothing wrong with having a “normal” job. you’re not giving up on your dreams if you take a job outside your main interests. if it offers stability in your life, it’s enough.
This really resonates with me because I left the architectural industry last year. The hours were unreasonable, work stressful and devolved into the new projects filling me with dread. My boss kept hinting I wasn’t doing enough, I wasn’t passionate enough… I finally left, and after a difficult half year, I finally found a job outside the industry. It is not a dream job, and it is not where my passion lies, but the work lets breathe. And I tell you, I now value “breathing” over “making my dream come true” any day.
if you have a job that you can do reasonably well without intense stress and leave at the office when you leave, you can actually spend as much free time as you like Making Your Dream Happen
like, yeah, you can settle down in a cafe on sundays and write your novel, because you have that time carved out and you can afford it. you can put extra money towards materials for your sculpting project. save up for a kiln or fancy paints or whatever. get a gopro and convince your friends to act in your arthouse zombie movie on the weekend because it’ll be fun.
dreams can be dreamed on many levels. jobs only have to be successful on one level, and that is the level where you make enough money to live your goddamn life.
Work to live, don’t live to work.
To all my followers who want to write, animate, and create - this is very real and true! Please take note!!
Academia is really bad about this. “Passionate” is conflated with “willing to work 60-70 hours/week, move anywhere in the country for a new job once a year, live apart from your significant other for years at a time, put your family life on hold, etc etc.” If you’re not willing to do all that, you just don’t want it badly enough. Fuck that. Fuck any employer who thinks that way.
This is important to remember. While Freud played a crucial role in the development of modern psychology and therapy, his theories were all untestable at best and rampagingly sexist at worst. He had absolutely no empirical data and his theories, while very thought out, are complete bullshit. It is good to learn about him and his theories to have a basis for understanding modern psychology, but under no circumstances should his work be applied to anything beyond a historical and academic perspective.
2017 is the year of transgender people not taking shit or remaining silent anymore
As an ally, lemme know what I can do to help.
heres a few ideas: -correct people if they misgender someone (famous or a friend) and don’t let it go when they say “whatever you know what i mean” -don’t buy into cis white womens movements like “pussy grabs back” -everyone needs to stop saying shit about penis size making someone more or less of a man -if you dont know someones pronouns ask or just simply use they/them until you know -support businesses owned by transgender people (or trans bands!) -normalize being trans dont make it some taboo -never say shit like “oh theyre like caitlyn jenner!” -stand up for trans people online or in real situations -don’t out someone. before meeting a trans persons friends or family ask them who knows -donate to trans peoples kickstarters if you can
-don’t ask about a person’s deadname/genitalia - When you’re speaking about a trans person before they came out it is still not ok to deadname or misgender them! -be aware and self-critical of ways in which you might still enforce transphobic ideas (ie: calling menstrual products “feminine hygiene products” or using “men” and “women” when you really mean people with certain body parts/physical characteristics) -be aware and self-critical of ways in which you might still enforce the gender binary through your language - get in the habit of using neutral language for anyone you don’t know even when they don’t “look trans”
on tonights news: asexual or aromantic folks, while not having some of the same experiences as other lgbt groups, still deserve to be able to find safety in our community because they go through enough shit from people who youd think would understand their struggles and empathize………. more at 10
also no group in the community has the same experiences of the other groups. lesbians don’t have the same experiences as gay men. bisexual people don’t have the same experiences as lesbians or gay men. transgender people don’t have the same experiences as bisexual people. if we’re gonna base it on 100% shared experiences then our community wouldn’t have this many groups, which I know is what the white gays want but that’s not actually what our community is about
not only that, but not all gay men have the same experiences. neither do all lesbians, trans people, bi folks, and yes ace and aro spec folks. people who share the same sexual or romantic orientations or gender identities have shared or similar experiences, but they aren’t monolithic groups. for example, a gay man who grew up in an accepting and open-minded family is not at the same sort of risk as one who grew up with parents that rejected him; that doesn’t mean that both men don’t experience homophobia, but they likely experience it very differently! it’s also why it’s useless to argue about which identity group has it “worse” or is “more oppressed” when people within groups have very different experiences, which result from the intersection of class, race, ethnicity, ability, etc. this is one of the key ideas of intersectionality: one that seems to elude many REGs/TERFs.
The idea of a unified experience or “socialization” is impossible, and this is perhaps the greatest weakness in REGs and TERFs arguments.
13 Reasons Why I Dislike the Show “13 Reasons Why”:
1. The American Foundation of Suicide Prevention has specific guidelines on how to safely portray suicide without inadvertently causing more deaths, and the series blatantly disregards those guidelines in graphically showing Hannah slitting her wrists. This could literally result in more deaths by suicide, which is NOT OKAY.
2. It glorifies suicide by making it seem like killing oneself and leaving tapes/a note/etc is the only way to effectively send a message to the world, when in fact, the opposite is true – the most effective way to send a message is to survive, thrive and tell one’s story.
3. It simplifies suicide by making it seem like it is a direct result of bullying, sexual assault, etc. when in reality the issue is far more complex.
4. It conveys other characters as unhelpful and unsupportive when Hannah tries to reach out, which could discourage viewers from seeking help themselves.
5. It does not effectively address the subject of mental illness, which is a major component in the issue of suicide.
6. Hannah essentially blames others for her death, when in reality suicide is a choice made by those who commit it. Yes, things such as bullying and sexual assault can be a main factor in suicidal ideation and mental illness, but the decision to commit suicide is solely in the hands of the individual.
7. One of the characters justifies her self harm by saying “it’s what you do instead of killing yourself”, which simplifies and glorifies self harm by making it seem like a good “compromise” instead of suicide.
8. The show provides no resources for those struggling with similar issues to Hannah, which again goes against the specific guidelines of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. It is not that hard to do research and find these guidelines, so it is clear that the creators of the show had little to no interest in taking advice from professionals or considering the potential negative impact they could have, which is honestly just disgusting.
9. The school counselor Hannah speaks to brushes off the clear signs of her being a suicide risk, which is literally against the law and not something any qualified professional would do.
10. It is highly offensive to many people struggling with mental illness and suicidal ideation because it never really delves into Hannah’s character, or portrays her as having mental illness (a major factor in most suicides) - it just makes her seem dramatic and attention-seeking, which perpetuates stereotypes.
11. It does not offer a healthy solution or way of coping with traumas such as bullying and assault - the only “solution” it offers is suicide, which, as mentioned previously, the show glamorizes and simplifies.
12. Hannah makes other people like Clay feel irreparably guilty for her death, which is cruel and inconsiderate, and not something most people who commit suicide would actually do. The show treats suicide as “the perfect revenge”, when in reality suicide is about feeling hopeless and sad and is a very personal decision.
13. As someone who has personally attempted suicide and knows the stories of countless others who have, I do not feel that the show accurately and fairly portrays the issue, or adequately addresses the main factors in suicide. To me and many others I have spoken to, it is downright offensive, lacking in research, and overall poorly done.
